La Playa

We went to the beach yesterday - our treat while Daddy is out of work right now. (Actually, we only spent about $50 including gas!) We had a fabulous time and it was a lovely day despite the weather man's threats of rain. Bubbles were blown, I collected about 80lb of beach rocks for the wedding, Ella & I found a huge dead jelly fish to discuss, I did not get burned and daddy caught a yummy fish for dinner surf fishing. All in all a spectacular day.

Daddy dug them a pool that the waves fed as the tide came in.
What a good daddy. Their own little tide pool without all those nasty waves.

Just right for boys to splash and girls to be mermaids.

The most beautiful sight that day?
Well, I leave you with it now.
The full moon.

Couldn't you just pinch it? Ahhh!!

Last Day with the Yellow Ducks 07-08

I had my last day with this class of ducklings today. My preschool class finished for the school year and I was so sad!! I will miss them and look forward to attempting play dates this summer. It is hard telling them goodbye.

I have been asked to come back next year though as a co-teacher. I look forward to it and getting to know next year's three year olds.

I got teacher presents today! hehe so cute. I loved seeing the kids shyly or excitedly coming up to me and giving me sweet little presents. How fun. Know what the best present was today thought?

One of my boys who is very shy played on the playground today. I mean all out, going down the slides, giggling, laughing running. When I first started class when we went outside he immediately took his post at the fence and stood guard watching all the kids. If you asked him if he wanted to play something he shook his head with a look as if you had just asked him to remove his own foot with a butter knife. Not interested. At all. NOT TODAY BABY!! He had such a fun day I just wish it had happened sooner. He is in Ella's class next year though so I will see him again. Love him. Love them. I had so much fun and I can not imagine loving a "job" more. Yay. I will be scouring the internet this summer for ideas for next year.

Strange Weekend, Aliens Spotted! No - The Ex-Stepdad

I had a good but very strange weekend. We left Friday to drive to my parent's house, load the car then carpool over to Boone, NC - the home of both Appalachian University and Lindsey my sister. It was commencement weekend!

Congratulations Graduate! I can say that to her now.

We were off to dinner with the family that night. This included part of the family that I had not thought about seeing in quite a while. My ex-stepdad and his wife Ruth (who is lovely). Weird. I think it had been 18 years since I had said more than a required "hi" to him and certainly the first time I had spent more than 10 minutes in his presence. Lindsey is 21 now and has never had all of us together. It was time and a perfect occasion.

I shook his hand and felt strangely okay. He said "Wow, I haven't seen you as an adult!" to which I freakishly replied "Yea, and I even reproduced!" quickly attempting to divert the awkwardness of the reunion with the man I called "Daddy" for a good 5 years. "I reproduced"? How weird is that? Really, I have much fewer issues with him than my own father so it wasn't bad. Lindsey and I talk on a pretty regular basis about the two of us and our interesting relationships (I think they are starting to qualify as relationships) with our biological fathers. Amazing what power father figures have over you.

Fortunately I had the spectacular distraction of my kids. Kids are great for getting out of uncomfortable situations. There is always an excuse if you need one. We actually didn't I am glad to say. The conversation kept flowing, most of the time without feeling strained or forced. I think it went well. I was especially proud of our dad (current stepfather and might as well be our daddy) who was a complete gentleman and resisted any temptation to set anyone else straight. I am guessing when she gets married we wont even have to separate the families out. Nice!

The weirdest moment of the weekend was when I found myself typing Aaron's cell phone number into my cell phone so we could coordinate at the coliseum. Let me tell you - thats a number I never thought would be in my contacts! Weeeird!

By the end of the weekend - ok less than 24 hours, we were sharing grilled asparagus and chatting it up. Well, we were sharing asparagus. Aaron isn't a chatter but if he was he would have been chatting. He hugged me on his way out which was nice because I know he isn't a hugging guy and it felt very genuine. I guess I grew up a little bit this weekend too because I hugged him back.

Congratulations Lindsey! You did it and in four years to boot!

Me Not Perfect? Let Me Count the Ways...

Cristy is helping us mommies feel a little less like we are the only one failing. I have a lot of flaws, I figured I could share a couple...

Confession Corner....

1. I often wear the same clothes at least 2 days in a row. Maybe more (ok often if Alex won't see me) if I am not leaving the house to save on gas.

2. I try to cook good meals for my kids but seldom achieve anything I am overly proud of, something I have little energy and desire to do though I LOVE to cook deep down inside. Alex cooks a lot to help out and we go out to eat more than I would like or can afford.

3. I prioritize my bills and have not been tithing like I want.

4. I lose it with Ella on a regular basis.

5. Ella watches way too much TV because it lets me get things done. Not necessarily productive things.

6. Exercise? I'm sorry you said what? I would love to join a gym because I think a personal trainer is the only way I might be able to motivate my ass. I LOVE yoga. I don't want to "waste the money" and I am not sure if it is because I am not there yet or if it is because I don't know if I am worth it. I feel very guilty about my weight.

7. I love teaching preschool but I also REALLY miss going to the grocery store with just one kid. This often leads to problems in area 2 above for lack of meal items in the house. I used to LOVE the grocery store and how creative it made me feel.

8. I do not read my bible on a regular basis. I really want to get into the habit. Along with exercise - both for my health!

9. I STILL haven't finished my bachelors!!!! I hate this in some ways but you know what? I don't really care right now. I am having too much fun with my babies!

10. I have to edit photos I take inside my house to hide how dirty it is!! I would like to have friends and family over more but I am a TERRIBLE housekeeper! I always have been and I am starting to fear I always will be! I love seeing specials on Oprah about hoarders because I can go "Well, I guess I am not that bad!" Sometimes it is just messy - not so much "dirty" but it is always a place I would not want visitors to see. This was a HUGE problem at the beginning of my marriage because Alex's family is a "stop in at any time" family. AHHH!!! Psycho newlywed!!

11. I had postpartum pretty bad with Ella and pride kept me from asking for help. I felt like I should be able to handle it by myself. I felt awful, neurotic and out of control. I sadly understood women who killed their babies, something I was appalled with before Ella's birth. I understood then how important transparency is in humanity. I wondered why no one ever talked about this feeling. Not really. Maybe I wouldn't have felt so crazy.

You know what ladies? We will always feel inadequate about something. Thats ok - it can keep you growing and bettering yourself. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor though - let them know they are the priority. No body has it all together. Nobody honey. No matter how it appears. Nobody.

Ahhh Spring

I. Love. Photographing. Nature.

Faith: Sunset for the Blind

When my husband told me he had put in his two weeks notice at work I was happy for him. I was excited for him. I knew there was potential and I knew God was in this so in my opinion it was a good thing. That was then. This is now.

That two weeks passed all the while people asking "So what is he going to do?." A perfectly logical question given the situation. After all, the first step when one quits their job is to first have another one lined up and then give your notice second right? Well, maybe not if your single and you have some savings or parents with a free basement at least. Certainly if you have two children, a wife and a mortgage. Anyways, like I said - I was ok with that but then that voice started whispering to me.

It is that same voice that makes me question myself. Should I buy the other shade of green instead? Is the other school a better choice? Should I get the 18 eggs or the dozen? Blahh. This time it was making me question my faith. Faith is illogical. That is the whole point. I don't have to explain it to anyone - not that anyone has asked me to but you hear the tone of voice thinking "well, that was stupid" or whatever you imagine people thinking. I don't need any one persons validation to believe something true.

I was brow beaten in church yesterday. I hate when that happens. When it seems that the whole deal that day was specifically set up for you. To talk to you. To get in your head and heaven forbid - Teach you something about not just God but worse yet - yourself. Dun Dun Duuunnn! I say I hate it but really it makes me laugh a bit through the crying. I learned I am a bit of a chicken but that God is so patient with us. Even when we feel we need other's approval when all along we have been given sign after sign after sign that we have his approval. The only approval (love) that matters.



Have you ever thought about what it would be like to describe a sunset to someone who is and has always been blind? Think about it. What words would you use? How can you paint that picture effectively? How would you describe it to really express the beauty of a sunset? You couldn't possibly. You could describe the feeling it evokes, you could describe the warmth but not the look of it and the description of the visual element.

It is the same with faith. You can not describe faith to someone who is not there yet. You can not explain the illogical to someone who demands logic to believe. You can describe the feeling you get from your faith, the comfort, the peace, but you can not make them understand it just as you can not make a blind man see a sunset like you see a sunset.

For some of us this is quite possibly the hardest thing in the world. You want so hard for them to understand. You want so badly to express it eloquently enough that they will just see what you see because you know how magnificent it is. Thats ok. You can't make them see.

Sorry .... Possibly Too Muddled to Blog?

I have been quite distracted lately haven't I? I am sure you are all just on pins and needles waiting to hear whats bouncing around in there right? Well so am I. I seem to be processing. As we are in a hold pattern right now I will pick up more when my brain can do more than hiccup, spit and pass gas as it seems that is all thats being accomplished up there right now.

I found my camera though! So maybe I will pick some photos to post. Happy Friday!

These are from the vineyard around the corner from my house. I have always found something incredibly comforting about rows of vegetation. Rows of crops like corn, soy, and cotton always make me smile. I think it has something to do with organized chaos. Nature is so wild and free so that even it can become organized is comforting to me. I know that sounds sort of backwards. I love nature in it's rawest form and prowling around the woods exploring has always been a favorite pass time but I appreciate rows in a different way. My life has always felt kind of out of my control to me. As a result nicely spaced parallels of wild twisty vines are soothing in a world where we don't always get to put things in nice little rows. My love probably started in the Netherlands with all those nice rows of flowers. Ahh the symmetry! So unnatural - just like me!

photo credit to this blogger