Thursday, December 27, 2007

You Can Do It! The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-Up Girls


You Can Do It! The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-Up Girls
by LAUREN CATUZZI GRANDCOLAS


This was one of my very favorite gifts of Christmas morning. It is an amazing book I am still getting to take a look at. It is along the same lines as the popular Daring Book for Girls.

It is sort of a guide book to doing all those things you tell yourself would be so nice to do but never try. My mom got one for both my sister Lindsey (21) and I. At 27 with two children and a husband, receiving this was so wonderful. I definitely cried when I read "Do Something Just for You!" This book is filled with things all the way from knitting to learning how to fly a plane. I think Lindsey said she wanted to try Wine Appreciation first. I can deal with that. We are going to have badge ceremonies together. We said we would make badges for each other and a sash and everything. Aren't we cute?

I recently took a painting class. This was one of those things I did not think I could do and it was very empowering taking that step. I have had so much fun painting lately and I almost did not go to that first class.

What a wonderful gift. I will post more on Christmas later. I am going to go look at my book!

Thank you Mom for empowering your little women. Your strength and character amaze us. You amaze us!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Opportunities


We are packing up the kids and the car and headed to Gran & Poppi's house. The kids both have what appears to be a medium cold but no one is dying. We kept everyone in the other night though so our fun filled family frivolity was canceled and we took naps instead. Oh well. I wrapped gifts and my sister came over and spent the night and went to church with us yesterday. I think all last minute projects that are going to get done are done.

I hope you all have a great Christmas full of new traditions for those of you having a different kind of Christmas this year. I hope you recognize the time of year for all its blessings, not the ones that can be unwrapped.

I had a great conversation with a young cousin yesterday. He is in fourth grade. When I asked him why we celebrate Christmas he said "Santa and presents!". The thing is they have a Nativity scene in their yard but he honestly had no idea that was why we celebrate Christmas. After I explained Jesus' Birthday I was able to explain the story of Santa to him, Saint Nicolas and how this tradition of sharing began. By the end of our conversation, which I let him lead, he was beginning to think of ways he could give to those less fortunate than him.

While I was just trying to enlist a little of the true spirit in him, that of giving, he took it much farther. The kid said what he really wanted was peace. How do you respond to this? I responded, "Here is what you do. Grow into a good man and make a difference in the world around you". Too profound for a fourth grader? I don't think so.

In this family I fill the role as the Aunt/Cousin who demands that you achieve your very best. As long as it is your best, that is good enough. I am glad to fill this role. So many of them don't see beyond their own small sphere. He looked at me and you could see the wheels turning lol. I love getting kids to think about stuff beyond the Wii they want to get. I hope he will ask some questions later about all of this including Jesus.

Anyways, I hope you are able to see some of the opportunities you are afforded this Christmas and the rest of the year. Maybe your trip to the in-laws that makes your stomach jump a little will turn into an interesting conversation with someone too.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Year In Pictures

A pretty interesting Year In Pictures. I love seeing these. I might collect some more links to add to this post later.

Martha Stewart Craft Marathon


I feel like Martha Stewart on acid. I need my Fairy Craft Mother to come in her hand knitted sweater and whack me on the head with her wand. Not sleeping great. Forced creativity and too much paint, glue, glitter and the like don't mix. By the way - spray adhesive - very hard to get off arm hair even when your not hairy! Maybe I feel like this because I am not following the recommended rule about well ventilated areas.

Ahh the area. Uggh the area. So not clean. Such a mess - like me. Sorry Tia - no go on visiting yesterday. You have not been trained for such a thing. It generally involves things like hard hats, bungee cords, plastic bags, bread crumbs and old pickle jars. Use your imagination. Hopefully the fam will be cool with hanging out AWAY from the catastrophe. A little less stress for me and mine.


I hope we have a CRAZY WEEKEND full of family frivolity in store. They are doing free carousel and train rides at a park near us. They are also having rides, horse drawn carriage rides, Santa, lights galore and a Live Nativity! I hope it will be fun. We have been planning to take the kids for a while and it turned out to be the same night my Father and crew wanted to come down. Crew also includes teenage sister and teenage brother. Both incredibly cool so I hope they won't mind too much. You know how teenagers can be hehe.

Geeez is it really 4:00? Mental note to self. Next year either have money to buy gifts saved or
MAKE THINGS AHEAD OF TIME!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Flower Photos

I love taking pictures of flowers and plants. I just thought I would go low key today and post some pictures I took of pretty stuff we aren't seeing so much right now. Flowers and green!








Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Four New Caniacs!

Last night Alex got the family an early Christmas gift. We got 4 tickets to the Carolina Hurricanes, thats hockey for those who had no idea we had ice down here in NC. $240.00 worth of tickets for FREE!! Now a sporting event is always fun if it is free but it is so much better if your free tickets(& parking) are in the VIP section. We were like 6 rows from the ice and we were about 30 feet from the goal so they were awesome seats. Thank you guy I don't know who had a final last night! Even better yet, it was an intense game and they won 3-2 in the last 35 seconds of overtime.

We all had a ball - or a puck? Ella was a little concerned for their safety when they kept "bonking" into each other and the walls etc. She scolded the guy who got put in time out - the penalty box. They both screamed and danced. Also, I could follow this. Pretty easy. I hate watching football on TV. I have sports ADD. Keep it moving fast and make it interesting. This might be my 2nd favorite sport now, second to ACC basketball - go heels!

I have to say my boy must be a pretty nice guy. Each year we get tickets to sporting events from one place or another. UNC football & basketball (not since Williams took over sadly, a little harder to get free seats now), baseball etc. This is our first major event though. Sweetess! Ella said we were going to do it again next week.

video

Nate loved that he could scream and holler as loud as he wanted

Not bad seats huh?

If a tooth had flown out we would have seen it!


Even the chick in me was satisfied last night. Yes there was romance on the ice. The couple right behind us got engaged during the game! I was there with my camera to help capture the moment for them. Congratulations guys!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

911 Math Call

Kids are funny. So is the mom haha. Kids are literal lady!

Mommy Is So Tired

I haven't had much to say lately. I am feeling a little run down. Not the holiday, just life catching up with me I guess. Nate is teething and Ella is 3. I will blame them lol. The little one has been sleeping with us more recently. Last night I let him come in the bed at 4:30 because I knew he wasn't feeling well and he was running a fever. He likes to pinch in his sleep. Last night he didn't get me so much so I am guessing Daddy caught the brunt of it. Good boy Nate!

I have been busy crafting like mad trying to get my stuff done for Christmas. This was not made easier by the child who refused to take a nap yesterday. If she falls asleep even for a few minutes in the car on the way home from school she won't take a nap the rest of the day. Makes me nuts. I end up trying to keep her up on the 1/2 hour trip home by being all silly and engaging her in whatever works. Yesterday it didn't work. She proceeded to press her eyes closed and go to sleep. The rest of the afternoon was spent doing battle over nap time.

Also, time out has ceased to really work. This is presenting yet another problem. She doesn't like standing in time out but it is not a deterrent against crime, simply a hindrance in getting back to it or finding another thing. grr

You know, I don't work outside the home so sometimes I wonder why I am so tired all the time. It really does take a lot of energy to keep up with the two of them. Actually, as I type I am noticing that Ella is being eerily quiet. Must run! I leave you with pictures of my monkeys being good. Notice Ella is sleeping. This was such a sweet quiet tranquil moment I had to capture it with the camera.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

A Blue Christmas

For many this time of year is a time when you remember people who are no longer joining you at the table or traditions lost because of circumstances beyond your control. Some of you are trying so hard to make this year perfect for someone you love to make up for things that happen in life. Many of you are stressed beyond words. My hope is that each of you who have these moments will be comforted by what it is we really celebrate if you stop to slow down and think about it.

Jesus, God's choice to come here in the lowest of settings for those of us who feel like the lowest. He did not come with fan fare and feasts. you guys, he came into the muck in a place for animals because thats what he is about. He is about helping with our muck. He is about dealing with our muck and carrying us through it. He was about coming that night for shepherds covered in it and to society, only worthy of tending sheep. He was just as much for those smelly, dirty shepherds as he was the wise men. There is a great scene in this movie where Mary tells one of the Shepherds that her baby is a gift for all mankind. Even though he had not used his Purell hand sanitizer, he could touch God himself.

I know that this time can be blue but there is more than this time. There is more than this month, more than this next year. There is hope that came in the form of a baby. This is Merry Christmas.

Breath of Heaven, The Nativity Story



For those of you who did not see "The Nativity Story" last year I really encourage you to make that a part of your Christmas viewing this year.

I sound more church lady than I want to but I really believe this stuff guys. I genuinely wish you all a Merry Christmas and I hope you are able to slow down enough to enjoy it and think about what it really is. You are loved that much.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Philosophy & Theology for Toddlers: Santa and Jesus for Children at Christmas

This year I have been really trying to bring home the idea that all this Christmas stuff is about baby Jesus. At this point I am not sure how much she gets really. Thats cool. No concept is fine with me when it comes to the Christmas thing mostly.

Last year and this, she saw Santa at our church. Last year she called him the Snow Man. This year he was promoted to The Man. Now she calls him Santa. Now she has no idea who he is, what he does etc but she does know she likes him and he is sweet. So hes her friend. She also knows he goes to our church! This is funnier to me than to her. The idea of Santa going to church on Sunday is pretty sweet. I know him to be working pretty hard this time of year cramming in gifts for those last minute repentant children who have been threatened up and down by mom and dad. She doesn't know anything about that yet but when sh does I am perfectly happy to point out that even though he is so busy, he still takes the time each Sunday to come learn about Jesus.


This picture is funny to me but essentially this is what I am going for right now I guess.

Last week when Santa (aka Mr. Gillham) walked in Ella was standing close. She was immediately star struck. He was not in costume but she knew it was him. Beard all soft and cheeks all rosy. She said "mommy, its SANTA!" I told her, "Well, go say Good Morning!". She walked toward him, made eye contact and abruptly turned and giggled shyly away. So sweet. For the time being he is just a cute guy we see on Sunday who gave her a present because he is so excited about baby Jesus' birthday too.

You know, it is strange figuring out how to go about these things with my kids. Toddler theology and philosophy. Theology I don't have much trouble with but the Philosophy part is strange. I don't mind her believing in Santa, I think thats fun, as long as he is second to Jesus.

We have a birthday party for Baby Jesus at her preschool on Monday. I am excited. I will take pictures and post. I think even Daddy is going to take some time from work and come sing happy birthday.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Christmas Shopping Commercialism

I love PBS. NO COMMERCIALS advertising STUPID TOYS!!

I spent my first day out in the thick of Christmas shopping. Interesting with the two little ones. They were good but still. I love the Christmas spirit - you know - cutting each other off for a parking space, no eye contact and a general feeling of dismay lol. I will give folks credit though. I haven't seen too much of it yet.

It was good shopping though. The guys in Alex's department at work usually trade gifts with each other but this year they decided to adopt a couple kids! Good boys THATS the spirit. This means there are 8 or 9 men out there wondering what the heck a 10 year old girl and a 9 year old boy would want for Christmas. You know men. So today I was a shopper for a couple of them. This is OK though. I can make sure the kids at least have gift receipts! I hope they have a great Christmas and I hope if all else fails, the guys will get gift cards if they aren't sure lol. Yay for gift cards!

A side note. I wonder what Target does with their decorations at the end of the season. I could make my house a wonderland with the leftovers next year.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Fun Mommy Day

I had a great day today. One of those that makes me appreciate that I can be a mom who stays at home with her monkey's. Ella woke at 7, Nate slept in till 7:15 and the day started. We were going to be productive! Instead we painted lol. Well, to my credit, it was productive painting. Ella is doing gifts this year!

We sat down at our table and got out the paint brushes, paints, supplies and started at it. I was mostly supervising and trying not to be a perfectionist "more here, not that color there" mom. This is usually not hard for me but there was a lot of brown happening. But I picked up my own paint brush, some cardboard from a box and painted a pretty picture for my girl and relaxed. You know, girly stuff like flowers and butterflies. I love that your kids think anything you do is a masterpiece. Wonderful for the ego. We must have painted for about 2 1/2 hours total today on and off. Nate was a good boy to let us. It was nice to just hang out with her.

Oh and I got her to eat butternut squash for lunch without complaining. This is a vegetable for those of you not seeing the significance.

News on the Strike:

Our tree is back up, I am not sure how but it stayed that way all day today! He fixed it somehow. 11 days and counting. Maybe negotiations can hold out this long before the tree decides to strike again.

The Microwave had it's fuse replaced. It blew another and now we are unplugging it after each use. Suspension.

The Sewing Machine is still evil. Suspension without pay. And I am not talking to him (yes its a him, why does it have to be a her just because it sews huh?).

The TV...

Well the TV just decided to up and quit on us about 2 months ago. In the meantime we had borrowed a little 12 inch one for the bedroom and moved the 18 or so inch one to the living room. Check this out... Alex's boss was giving away his TV (replaced with a flat one) to one of the guys in the department. All interested were to put their names in a hat and there would be a drawing. Well, one of the guys knew we were looking for one so he convinced all the guys to just let us have it!

It is a 37 inch TV. Big enough that we would never buy it (our HUGE one that quit was 27 inches) and small enough that it isn't completely absurd to have. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I am so glad we didn't buy a TV on black Friday. What good guys! I had Ella leave the two key players cute voice mails. She was quite excited about the big TV. "Wow. Thats BIIIG" Alex is quite excited too. If we had ESPN he would be such a happy camper. Maybe next Christmas baby.

Oh and hey, we didn't even throw anything out, pull any muscles, or smash any fingers moving that monster!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

It Bit The Dust

Well sadly our Christmas Tree fell down. Again.

Yup. It is on the floor as I speak because I can not figure out how to get to it at the moment. I am taking this time to mourn the fallen. I am not sure which ornaments broke. I think the ones I really liked broke the first time it fell. I was planning on buying another tree after Christmas this year when they went on sale. We do the fake thing because I don't like the idea of cutting down a tree each year and I don't like the idea of house fires or the needles.

It fell down Saturday and Alex epoxied it back together Sunday. I JUST finished carefully placing all the ornaments back on, making sure all were balanced appropriately. I came to change my umpteenth poopy diaper today (I mean really Nate, I know what goes in. Where is this coming from?) when I heard it - CRASH, SMASH, round ornament rolling across the wood floor, CLANG!! and a triumphant SHATTER signaling the finale. It was all over in a second. Then came "MOMMMYY!! The The The TREE!" at least it wasn't "Mommy, I'm Under the tree and the star of Bethlehem is in my eye"

hum.. must get clever. no glue this time. rigging apparently not safe. refuse to pay full price for tree. mutter mutter. Microwave and Sewing Machine must have gotten to it. mutter. all against me. mutter....

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Artsy Aprille

I have to put in a plug for my mom and sister for a minute. Alex's family has little income to spare for Christmas presents each year and lots of kids. As one of the more well off couples in the family, this is not saying much mind you lol, I always feel responsible for making sure the kids have a good Christmas. This was much easier seven years ago when there were less kids! Now there are nine young ones that we buy for each year. Now trying to get good gifts at good prices and still feel like each child only getting this for Christmas would make them happy is tough. This year my stress about this came out during our Thanksgiving retreat. My mom and sister each volunteered to get gifts for 3 of the kids!! I LOVE THEM so much. My sister is in college with little disposable income and my mom is a social worker. Good people. This is the spirit. So thank you guys!

More on Christmas. I am so excited. I went to Michaels yesterday for some canvases to do some stuff with. I had yet to come up with an inspired idea for Christmas presents. We are saving money this year guys and I just hate random gifts that you can tell no thought went into sooo. I found something! It is going to be so sweet. I can not tell right now because those receiving may read this. I am excited though! I am glad my creative juices finally defrosted and started flowing.

I have exactly 13 days to make it happen!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Making New Friends at Church

As I get older I am noticing that it is harder for me to make friends. In high school & college you are kind of thrown together and forced to be social. I made "friends" easily in these circumstances. Not a problem for me. It is harder for me now as a stay at home mom (I said SAHM again - easier every time). It is so much easier to be reclusive and quite frankly requires less energy. I miss girlfriends though. Good ones are hard to come by.

My best friend for a long time was someone who could walk into my house and mine hers, without knocking. Everything else that went along with that was there. I miss that comfortable feeling.

This is where my church comes in. I love these people. After church today we did a casual BYOL (bring your own lunch) to a friend's house. All the kids came over and we just hung out. I played pass the baby and Ella hung out with the guys. This was really nice because Alex had to work. I love that I can hang out with them, the "Pastor" included, and it just feels like a group of people not a group of "church" people. I can be myself around them and I like that. It doesn't make it so hard to make friends. So thank you Church People! Thanks for not making me feel like a crappy mom when Ella burnt her hand, thanks for commiserating with me about breastfeeding, thanks for helping me catch my kid when she was being rotten and I had my hands full, thanks for being normal!

It is hard to go back to church after you have seen a lot of church people. It was hard to make that step in the doors that first time, wondering were they going to stare at the "mixed couple" who just came in, would they even see us at all, will just they try to dunk and then forget about us, or are they going to fleece us?

We love you and look forward to getting to know you!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

DIY Blow In Insulation for Our Fixer Upper

Update: In ONE winter we saved 46% on our home heating bill. Talk about a quick return on our investment. We recouped 400% of our investment in one season! So worth it.

8:06pm
We were successful! We made a mess outside. We were each a mess. It will be much warmer. We installed blow in cellulose insulation, made of recycled newspapers, into our attic which was not well insulated. This is not a bad process at all - not itchy like fiber glass. It is messy outside though. Dust as you can see from my pictures. I had no mess inside my house though so I would very much recommend it! So easy!

Insulating my attic and investing a SMALL amount of money (about $300 for a 1600sf home) can make a big impact on how much money I spend long term and how much energy I consume, not good for our environment. Make sure you are being a good steward of our environment by what you have, or don't have, in your home!

For the Thespians out there - did you ever do old age makeup on yourself? This is sort of like that. This is what I would look like if I was a 65 year old Italian woman (see mustache for Italian reference).


Also, it is made out of recycled newspaper which I love. But you know how when you handle newspaper the ink gets all over your hands? Well, lets just say my nasal passages haven't been this black since I was in London last. Makes you wonder what really is floating around the air there.

We can mark one project off the list guys!! YAY - go hubby!

9:17am
Today we insulate the attic! I know - I am excited too. No really - I am. Hopefully this will be relatively painless. I am not sure as we will have the kids at home during the process. Think happy thoughts! I actually don't think it will be bad as we are using blow in insulation - 85% recycled material mind you! Alex is the one who has to go tromping around the attic. I am hopper girl! I feed the material into the hopper. Maybe we should think happy thoughts for Alex - maybe that he doesn't go crashing through the ceiling. He is more skilled than me so all should be well.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Favorite Pieces of Art

Today I am feeling artistic. I am wishing I was at a museum right now. So I thought I would look up some of my favorite pieces and post them for you. So here they are - some of Aprille's pics:

Gustav Klimt The Kiss 1907 -1908

I fell in love with this one in college. I still love it today. I love that the woman, he usually paints dominant and powerful women which I also like, is in this case submitting to the kiss. She is not participating but letting him kiss her. I see it differently every time I look at it depending on the mood I am in. They are in Vienna. I would like to see them one day.

John Singer Sargent Madame X 1884

I am not a huge fan of portraits but Madame X is a force to be reckoned with! I have seen her up close and she is magnificent. She exudes confidence and sensuality. She was quite provocative for her time. She stands, at an imposing 6 feet tall, in the Met in NYC. See her - You will love her. Here is an interesting photograph of him with the scandalous Madame X.



I think Rivera, extremely controversial in his time, is a magnificent muralist and painter. There is not much he has done that is not interesting to me. These are just two of his works I think are beautiful.
Diego Rivera Retrato de Ignacio

When I saw this first, I imagined how my husband might have looked as a boy.

Claude Monet A Field of Tulips in Holland 1886

It makes me want to go back to those seas of color I saw as a child living in the Netherlands. I can see them in my mind's eye. Someday I will see them again. They really are beautiful.

Pablo Picasso Blue Nude 1902

A print of her hangs on my bedroom wall. I can relate to her. After I had Ella I was convinced that the "Blue" was a reference to the fact that she was suffering from Postpartum not the period of his work. Nate actually loves her, he has talked to her all the time since birth.

Ology Project - Second Attack

I am making my second attempt at the DIY ology book project today. I may have to beat my sewing machine into submission. Of course this may have caused me the original problem. Evil machines. Wish me luck!!

Follow Up: I am now thinking outside the sewing machine. Trying to figure out how spray adhesive can make this happen for me.

CONSUMER ADVISORY: DO NOT BUY REFURBISHED SEWING MACHINES!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

One of Those Bad Parenting Days

Here is a question for you.. Does everyone else's infant cuss like my two? Have you ever heard your baby - pre talking - yelling at you and you just know he is cussing you up and down? I hope this is not just me. Ella (now a non-cussing preschooler) communicated this way more than Nate so far but he has been doing it today quite a bit. It kind of sounds like the Tasmanian Devil except a little more precise.

Today has not been my finest day as a mommy. Some days are good, some not as good. I am just feeling drained. Not enough mommy power to go around today.

Nate is teething. I wonder who hates it more - him or me? Poor little thing. He is getting his eye teeth. This is funny because he does not have his top middle teeth yet. He's going to look like a little vampire. Maybe it is good I am not breast feeding anymore lol.

This mommy thing is not as easy as I make it look - haha - see I'm funny! To make matters worse. I have heartburn. Now this is more significant than it might sound. I really only get it when I am pregnant so anytime it just happens I get freaked out. No I am not pregnant.

I leave you, my loyal readers and many of you fellow mommies, with this quote from my day. It was preceded by one of those long quiet times that are never good and usually are followed by a spell in time out.

"I KNOW you are NOT feeding the dog peanut butter!"


Been In A Posting Slump

All the Frivolity!

Got a cold. This means that my head has been full of stuff other than riveting blog material. I don't know what my excuse is the rest of the time. Also Nate is getting some nasty painful teeth. Poor kid.

Funny things of note lately:

I love that Ella calls Spaghetti "Busta-ghetti" This is apparently Noodles from the Ghetto

I have a new cell message of Ella singing "Sing we noel, noel noel noel!" I love it.

We put up our tree Monday night! The kids love it and I have only had one smashed ornament thus far.

Alex has his last class tonight for a month! Sadly he is talking about a part time seasonal job. boo

Ella was the "flashing angel" at Sunday night's Christmas play. Yup she was that kid, the one all over the place entertaining the masses. I spent a good deal of the time turning my head so she couldn't see me laughing at her. The flashing part was when she started throwing her costume up in the air and it got stuck over her head! goof ball! She was cute. Nate was a perfect little baby Jesus. We stashed cheerios in the manger for Mary to feed him so all was well in Bethlehem.
Cheesy Angel
Putting on the Show
Her Moment To Shine lol


Ella & Nate with "The Man"
Mommy I want to go see "the Man"
Last year he was "the Snow Man"
This is a friend from our church who does Santa for us each year.
They wire him and do a feed to his ear so he can have info about the kids etc. So fun.

Ella put the Tree Topper on this year.
She was ecstatic to say the least

Monday, December 03, 2007

Struggling With My Own Insignificance as a Woman

Does everyone feel as though they are insignificant? I have been struggling with my own feelings of insignificance lately. I don't mean in a "no one loves me" way. I mean in a real world impact way.

As I get older I am becoming more aware of how small I am. The younger you are, the smaller the world seems. Life is encompassed by small things, things that seem huge. There is only something wrong with this if it lasts forever. There is no harm in a child thinking the world revolves around them. I pray every child thinks this on some level - that is a sign of a loved child. There isn't even anything wrong with when a teen thinks the world is only as important as the crush they have right then. We forget as we get older what it feels like to think the world could begin or end with a look. We have all felt that. As a young adult my scope expanded. I saw a world in need. I was going to change it!

I am only ten years down the road from that feeling. My world vision now includes questions that did not cross my mind then. Questions like what if it doesn't get better, what if I can't help her, what if they never want to change, what if I am not enough? The last few years I have felt so small on a worldly scale. My own insignificance is not as overwhelming now but does that mean I am becoming complacent?

I would still love to travel the world and help impoverished communities learn to be independent and prosperous. I would still love to make sure the world is vaccinated and has clean water. I just know now that I can not do it on my own effort. I sort of miss that dreamy, I can conquer the world and rid it of all injustices, feeling. My sister still has that feeling. She is 21. I hope she can make that impact. In my own way, I will make mine.

I am now more open to the idea that maybe my way of impacting the world will be by raising my kids. This is part of my journey - becoming comfortable with the whole Stay At Home Mom thing. I try not to say that out loud too often lol. I am a stay at home mom. There I did it. I had to do that at my book club a month ago. Very strange to say that in front of a group of 10 or so women - only one of them was a mom. I am not sure if she was the stay at home kind.

Part of the problem I have with my stay-at-homeness (yes, it is a word. Again - my blog!) I discovered during my drive to the beach with Alex. By the way - if you didn't know - I have daddy issues. Oh well. This isn't about that but as a result of those issues I have a problem being dependent on anyone, especially anyone without a female reproductive system (I was going to go the other direction with that but I won't say the male anatomy for some of my less grown up readers).

Readers, I was so proud of myself for discovering this! It isn't that I hate being called a stay at home mom - its that I don't trust my husband!! No. Just kidding. I do trust him. This is why I could tell him this. I have a problem with the idea that I am completely dependent on him for my income. In my head this (being a SAHM) is so STUPID. But hey, love makes you stupid right? Well I don't know if it is stupid or not but it doesn't matter. Feeling independent and self reliant doesn't mean I would be happy with my life.

Disclaimer: I don't thik other SAHM's are stupid. Just me and my issues. I might be known to think anyone who has thought about leaving their husband or them leaving them, should have a back up plan but this is something else entirely. In this department - I think I am O.K.

OK again I have gone completely off topic.... muddle muddle..... Oh, Insignificant.

Really, I guess that is where I was going for today. I welcome all thoughts if I know you or not! Speak up Iran!



I love seeing where people are hitting me from - I have been all over the UK, to Iran, Singapore, and a couple places in South America. I just had a thought - maybe I can be significant to someone somewhere via the internet!