Stay at Home Moms (or Dads), we have been there. Frazzled, attempting to refocus what few brain cells you have left to pull something worth eating together for dinner. You dig through the freezer looking at ice chip encrusted bags as a preschooler impatiently pulls at your child-mess covered shirt demanding you read that book the 400th time today. You talk to yourself, (we are being honest here) “Self, remember when you used to be able to think a complete thought? Remember when you used to be able to go to the bathroom alone?” You know, without narrating the whole experience to the toddler you hope and pray will complete the important step into potty training any day now if you just explain the process one more time. Yes, I hear you. You need a night out - some time alone to recover and regenerate!
Could a mom really be so audacious as to request a night alone? Bear with me. Contrary to the voices in your head, this does not make you a bad parent. Their right arm won’t really fall off if you leave for a little while, the kid's or the Daddy's. I know this is a progressive idea. A movie ALONE (gasp)! There are desperately needed regenerative benefits! Here are some tips from The Muddled for making it happen!
How to See a Movie Alone:
A Guide for Stay at Home Mom or Dad
1. Heads up. If the tables were turned you wouldn't want to be blindsided so give Daddy a heads up. This can be a same day cell phone call. The level of "Drama King" yours tends to exhibit will determine how far in advance you want to give him heads up and how syrupy the call needs to sound. (Daddy can be substituted for a trusted friend or babysitter.)
2. Plan ahead. Scope out a great movie, preferably something hubby wouldn't care to see. If he knows your going to a "chick flick" he isn't going to want to go with you thats for sure. If you will have the strength left at the end of the day for a late movie more power to you, I suggest an early show so you don't end up using your $8.00 for catching up on precious lost sleep. Bring a book or magazine you have wanted to crack open.
3. Prep Daddy. When he gets home give him the rundown but do not insult his intelligence. This will annoy him and make it less likely this will ever happen again. He is not an idiot. It doesn't really matter if the top of the pjs match the bottoms so you can leave out these OCD details. You can feel free to prep dinner for them to make his life easier. This is not necessary. Again - not an idiot. Express your confidence in him and don’t make this a huge deal.
4. Distract Kids. This is key! Build enough time into the escape for holdups. Never assume you will have a clean getaway. Distract the kids and make a break for it when you can. If this means putting your shoes on outside so they don't suspect anything, so be it. If they discover the plot and scream like you are simultaneously pulling off their toenails and ripping out their heart remember, it will subside. Just get out of the house and let the grown up take care of it. Toes and heart really are intact and this will help you not want to keep them in the Naughty Corner all day tomorrow.
5. Get Going. The hardest part is over. Go Go Go! Good music is key for loosening up (no Doodlebops or Hanna Montana cds). Feel free to call mommy friends and gloat at this point. Send them a link to Musings of the Muddled later. Tonight is about you.
6. What Now? If you built in enough time before the movie you have a choice: what to do ahead of time? You are not allowed to run errands. No. Need a suggestion? Your favorite bookstore, preferably one with overpriced calorie laden coffee mocha goodness. Treat yourself. Go sit down and sip it like you did before you had to chug everything to avoid wearing it for fear of flying balls or stuffed animals. Avoid the Children's section or parenting books as if they were poopy diapers. Pick up a beautiful photography book. These tend to involve less brain activity and lend themselves to pleasantly drowning out the last 13 hours of child frivolity.
7. Getting There Get to the movie ahead of time, approximately 10-15 minutes depending on the popularity. You don't want to be late or too early.
8. The Ticket When buying your ticket proudly proclaim "One Please!" with a smile on your face. The pimply faced kid behind the glass will surely be wondering why you have that weird look plastered across your face. They will understand all too well in about 15-20 years. Revel in this moment. You are probably not seeing an animated movie or something that has more explosions than really necessary for the plot. Yay.
9. Viewing Prep Go to the bathroom. No one is there to tell you what Helga said right before Hans kissed her. Get a few tissues. If needed, stock up on chocolate. I find this a better use of calories than popcorn but this is a personal preference.
10. The Seat Chose your seat based on where you want to sit. The back is reserved for face suckers. I suggest something either in the middle of the row or on the sides of the theatre.
11. Alone Now is when it becomes a little strange your first time. You sit down alone. ALONE (dun dun duuunnn). Looser? It depends. If you sit there muttering into your purse and flicking at the unknown shmutz on your shoulder, yes! You will look like a freak. If you just hang out reveling in what you accomplished, alone time, you can proudly smile knowing you are doing what you want! If you need, read that book or magazine you brought. When the movie starts sit back and enjoy. Cry when you want, laugh when you feel like it! Oh the freedom. For 121 minutes you can zone out, engrossed in cinematic bliss with no one to contend with but yourself.
Now you know how to do it. You just need to make it happen! Good luck and let me know how it goes! I wish you happy viewing and many more empowered adventures to come!